


Anytime You're Needing Me

by Larrymama15



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-13
Updated: 2017-09-13
Packaged: 2018-12-27 16:35:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,573
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12084963
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Larrymama15/pseuds/Larrymama15
Summary: Louis Tomlinson is helping his beloved, boisterous grandmother move to a retirement community for her final days. Both of them fall for a charming, curly haired volunteer, who will help them bring out the music they need to move forward and say goodbye.





	Anytime You're Needing Me

**Author's Note:**

> As usual, this is a work of fiction which is not to be shared with any member of One Direction or their friends, families, or anyone close to/associated with them. 
> 
> My deepest gratitude to Nic and to Ash who read this first and offered their insight, advice, and encouragement.
> 
> I know death is a sensitive topic, and it's certainly something we've seen enough of over the past year or so. I sought to do this song its due and to give it expression and to me, this song has always been about the beauty of the finality of death and of saying goodbye to someone you love. There is still hope to be found in grief, this song expresses that, and I wanted to express that as well.
> 
> I hope you enjoy!

Louis stopped for a quick second to try and hitch up the load of boxes in his arms. He had grabbed too many things from the car at once and now a box of papers or something was precariously balancing on top of a smaller box of cat figurines. 

“Oh Louis, do be careful my dear boy!” Louis heard his grandmother’s booming voice cry out from behind him. 

He wanted to turn and give a reassuring smile but feared the movement might be too dangerous and cause his precious cargo to topple, so he shot back with a simple, “Of course, Nana!” 

His grandmother had turned eighty-seven the past week, and had abruptly announced to the entire family over Sunday dinner that she had decided to move out of her lifelong home and into a retirement facility. Louis, his Nana’s secret favorite, had offered to help her move from her home to the facility, a fact he was now almost regretting as he strained under the weight of boxes filled to the brim with years upon years of family history, all too precious to part with.

Thankfully, the incredibly kind aides at Pebblecreek Retirement Community had taken mercy on them upon their approach, and several were now armed with boxes of treasures and memories from his grandmother’s life. They had been treated a bit like royalty so far, with much fuss and attention, and while Louis found himself a bit flustered by the fanfare, his grandmother was preening. 

She had always adored the spotlight, Faye Johannah Poulsten. A runaway to New York City at age sixteen, she had made a name for herself on the Broadway stage as the doey-eyed ingenue with legs for miles and a work ethic that wouldn't quit. She was sassy and sharp, she smoked like a sailor, drank like a fish, always had a comeback, and would often regale her family with stories and songs at their weekly Sunday dinners. She’d had an incredible journey, his grandmother, and she was the light of Louis’ life. 

“Now which one of you strapping young men here wants to take me and my grandson out for a night on the town?” He heard his grandmother shout from her wheelchair, a giggle escaping her lips. He groaned a little but tried to cover it by attempting to shift his burdens again.

Faye had known he was gay almost before he was certain himself, and she never failed in her attempts to set him up with other men, regardless of age. Louis was forever trying to gently remind her that he planned to wait patiently for the universe to bring him someone special. “Nonsense, Loulou,” his grandmother would chide, waving her hand in front of her face. “As my dear dear friend Irving Berlin used to say, ‘The tide waits for no man!’” 

Louis could hear her now, conspiratorially whispering with a ginger-haired lad who had introduced himself as Ed. Louis eyed his sleeves of colorful tattoos, surprised that this community seemed to have such a lack of standards when it came to their employees. Ed caught his eye and threw him a wink, causing Faye to giggle girlishly and Louis to fumble, the box full of letters falling out of his hands and onto the ground, most thankfully contained. A blonde fellow jogged up and started snatching the few papers that had scattered in the wind. 

“Windy, isn't it?” The blonde said, his Irish accent and jovial smile instantly putting Louis at ease. “Think this is the worst wind I can remember, in all my years.” 

Louis laughed. “What are you mate, all of 25?”

Irish smiled again. “33, actually. Just got good genes. Name’s Niall. Your nan’s a hoot. We get a lot of characters in here, but she might be my new fave. Harry’s gonna love her.”

“Harry, huh?” Louis grunted, praying they were close to his Nan’s new home. He wasn't sure how he would keep all of these aides straight. “Is he out here?” 

“Nah, he only comes by a couple times a week. He's a… volunteer. Helps entertain our little family here. You'll meet him soon enough. He's a great guy. Ah,” Neil said, pausing at the door of what looked to be a condo. “Here we are. Casa de la Faye,” he said louder, turning to face his grandmother who smiled brightly. 

“Oh Loulou,” she called. Louis blushed bright red at the nickname. “Ed here tells me everything is already set up, except for these few boxes here, which I can handle. Are you staying?” 

“Of course love. I'm here anytime you're needing me.” 

**********

He left about three hours later, with his grandmother fully established in her new home and a promise to visit in a week or so. About two very busy and fast weeks later he remembered his promise and decided to call and see what day would be best for a meal. 

Louis was surprised to hear his Nan sounding a bit frail when she answered the phone. She was slightly out of breath, and he frowned. It wasn't like her. 

He knew his grandmother wasn't going to live forever. After all, she was 87, and Louis understood that. But he hadn't anticipated it happening so soon, and he definitely hadn't anticipated competing for her affections as she ranted and raved about her aides and the one particular young man she had grown most fond of, Harry. 

“Oh Loulou, you will just adore him.” Faye sighed, her once boisterous voice now a bit thin and reedy. “He sits with me for at least an hour each day, drives all the other old bats mad with jealousy. We’re going through my letters, and sometimes he reads to me, and sometimes he even sings while playing his guitar if I ask him! He's truly lovely, you must come and meet him. I think you two would get on like a house fire, and he's devilishly handsome.” 

“Nana could you please stop trying to set me up with every man you speak to? Do you even know if he's gay?” Louis mused. 

“No darling, I haven't asked him, but I was in the theatre and I have my ways of sussing out information. I know you've had a few busy weeks my dear, but could you come over tomorrow for lunch? There’s something I want to show you.” 

“Of course, Nana, what do we always say?” Louis asked, oddly a little choked up at their typical exchange. 

“By your side, anytime you're needing me.” Faye practically whispered, and Louis nodded to no one in particular. “Ta, my love, see you tomorrow. And wear something nice!” 

“Anything for you, Nana. See you tomorrow.” Louis disconnected the phone and looked about his small, cluttered apartment. His keyboard sat in the corner, collecting dust, discarded clothes, and used teacups. Louis had always been musically inclined, but lately with his daily grind he had found less and less time for music. Or he had made less and less time for music, choosing instead to watch Netflix or go out with his mate Liam instead of trying to play or write. 

His grandmother had always made sure his life had a little touch of music in it, and he was grateful for that. He cleared off the keyboard and sat down, absentmindedly plunking the keys. He used to dream of writing a song, a song that meant something, a song that people could sing after he was long gone, a musical legacy that people would remember. He hit a low note and chuckled to himself. He was 34, still single, and he worked in an accounting firm. His musical dreams had all but completely faded, what once were bright, vibrant hopes were now dull and dimmed bulbs, almost completely burnt out. He shook his head at himself as he stood to wash the teacups he had cleared from the instrument. He wasn't sure what had gotten into him, maybe it was his grandmother’s mortality, or even his own looming over his head, but whatever it was, it could be cured with a visit to Faye. It always was. 

************

The next day he explained to his boss that he would need to leave early, and left to have lunch and spend the afternoon with his Nan. Thankfully Louis was extremely well liked at his office and was pretty much able to come and go as he pleased, a fact he was aware of but tried never to take advantage. 

He arrived to find his grandmother was not alone, she was hosting a sort of get together it seemed, with the group gathered around, his grandmother seated at what he could only assume was the forefront. This did not surprise Louis in the slightest, Faye was definitely a presence. She could command a room, but at the moment she seemed a little off to Louis. She was speaking and her voice sounded far more frail than Louis remembered, and he wondered if she had been ill. Even so, she was still a force to be reckoned with from what Louis could see, as it seemed she was in charge of a room of people Louis could guess she had only known a short while. She hadn't heard nor seen Louis come in, so he decided to hang back in the entryway a bit and just listen. 

He heard her stand and her voice wobble a little as she called the group to attention. The room seemed rather muted, somber, even, and Louis began to wonder if he was intruding. It felt like a wake. He began to try and tune in his grandmother for clues.

“... of course I only knew Norma for about five years. We met at a cabaret show at our local theatre. Norma was a friend to the arts, a great patron of the stage, and she will be very sorely missed by all of us in the community who loved her. Another bright light has been extinguished amongst us today. 

She asked me to read a short poem of sorts that she and I have been working on, and of course I promised I would.” Faye cleared her throat and Louis peeked to watch her take her spectacles from her head and perch them on her nose to read the paper she was clutching in her hand. 

“The fact that we can sit right here and say goodbye means we've already won. The necessity for apologies between you and me, there is none. We had some good times, didn't we? We had some good tricks up our sleeves. Goodbyes are bittersweet,” Faye faltered, her voice thick with raw emotion. “But it's not the end. I'll see your face again.” 

Louis stood stricken, frozen to his spot. He wanted to go to the woman who had always comforted him and tend to her, take care of her, but he understood this was a private affair and he didn't want to disrupt the moment with his presence. The others lightly applauded and spoke their scattered approvals. Faye bowed infinitesimally before waving her hands a bit. 

“Thank you, you will all be happy to know that it is a work in progress, and is not finished yet. You'll be even further delighted to know that I've enlisted the help of our dear Harry here as well, so it will be finished soon. Very soon, I hope.” She sighed wistfully. “Now off with all of you, I know you have your afternoons to get to and my grandson is due in at any moment. And thank you all for attending this little gathering in honor of my dear friend, Norma.” 

Louis didn't hear anything else that was said as he rushed out of the entryway and back outdoors as people began to disperse, nodding to each unknown person as they filtered out past him. Harry huh? So the person his nan wanted to set him up with was in that room at this very moment. Louis didn't know how he hadn't missed him, but he was rather focused on Faye’s eulogy and reading. The poem was beautiful. Louis stood waiting for a younger man to come out but began to feel rather foolish hiding from a person he didn't even know, so he took a deep breath in, knocked very loudly, and pushed the door open. 

“Loulou? Oh Loulou come in, I have someone I want you to meet.” Louis pasted a big smile on his face and walked back into the condo. Standing next to his grandmother now was a tall, broad-shouldered man, his hair a lovely chestnut color, curls that seemed to have a mind of their own coiling around his adorable ears. He had the most beautifully expressive green eyes Louis had ever seen, and his jawline was so sharp Louis would bet he could sharpen ice skates on it. He was gorgeous, and was currently studying Louis with a very thoughtful gaze. He was a work of art. Louis had the sudden and rather embarrassing urge to write him a song, or pen him a sonnet, or hire a skywriter to proclaim to the world how insanely attractive he was. 

“Well Louis, this is Harry. He's become a very dear friend of mine in a very short time. I'm so pleased you two can finally meet. He's a singer songwriter just like you, Lou, I guess I just attract those Bohemian types!” Faye clapped Harry on the back lightly, causing a smile to break out on his face.

And oh. 

Louis had mostly been ignoring Harry’s mouth in favor of his delightful green eyes, but the smile was new. It came with a set of dimples and his already wide set mouth grew even wider, if that were possible. His lips were a sinful shade of pink and delectably pillowy, the kind of lips that a lipstick model would pray for or purchase, and Louis instantly flushed to his feet as he wondered what it would be like to be kissed by such a mouth. 

His nan watched the two of them just staring at each other with small smiles on their faces before she shot Louis a look and very unsubtly coughed. Louis laughed, a bit breathless, and Harry smiled wide again. 

Dimples. Dammit. 

“Uhhh, Hi Harry, my name’s Louis. My nan has told me a bit about you.” Louis extended his hand and tried not to look delighted when Harry mirrored his gesture. 

“Hi there, I'm Harry, and your nan has told me loads about you, Loulou.” Harry teased, throwing Louis a wink. Louis almost missed the nickname, so transfixed he was, but he caught it just in time and gave an exaggerated groan. 

“Nan!” He lamented, his faux outrage causing Harry to giggle. Which. Wow. “Loulou is for when it is just the two of us, remember?” 

“Oh hush Loulou,” Faye smirked. “Harry here has promised me he would give you a tour of this place while I rest a bit. Then we’ll take tea, alright my love? And before you ask, I'm just feeling a bit peaked. It is such a beautiful day, so you young ones run along. Be a shame to waste it. Try not to get into too much trouble,” she winked, much to Louis’ chagrin, “and I'll ring Niall to find you when I'm rested. This is non-negotiable, Louis,” she stated finally, and Louis clamped down the words he had been gathering to protest her. 

“Okay Nan, you get your rest. But young Harold and I will be back to check on you soon.” 

He and Harry walked silently outside, an awkward amount of time passing before either spoke. 

“So Harry, you work here?” 

Harry laughed quietly. “Ehhhhh no. I do volunteer work here a few times a week, along with some other places. I think this one’s my favorite, though. I love working with people like your grandmother. She's a riot.” 

“That's quite generous of your time, Harry,” Louis stated, surprised. 

Harry blushed. “Well I would say I'm quite generous, Louis,” he teased, and Louis sputtered a bit. Okay so Harry was definitely gay, and flirting with him. Cool. He realized Harry was still talking, so he told himself to calm down and pay attention. 

“My volunteer work used to be quite a lot less volunteer and quite a bit more required, but that’s been about a year, now.”

“Required?” Louis questioned. “Like community service?”

Harry winced, noticeably, and Louis was suddenly bursting with curiosity. What could this gentle, skittish, colt-like human being possibly have done to require him to complete community service? 

“What happened?” Louis asked, trying to be gentle. 

Harry kicked the ground, not looking up at Louis or meeting his gaze. “I stole a car. While I was drunk. It was… expensive. And I was with a friend and they got hurt. It was the worst moment of my life. So my dad, who is kind of a well-known attorney, stepped in and took care of a lot of it. I don't think he planned on me enjoying my community service here or even continuing it as volunteer work after I was finished with my hours, I guess I was even a little surprised myself. But the people are lovely, like your nan. She's so vibrant, so fabulous, and I'm just so thankful to even get the chance to know her before—” Harry paused, his eyes widening a little. 

“Before what?” Louis asked, fear cutting into his voice. 

“Has she told you… anything, Louis?” Harry stammered, again avoiding Louis’ now piercing gaze. 

“She's said she won't be around forever but that's about it. What is it, is she sick? Is she okay? What do you know, Harry?” Louis demanded, his voice rising with the panic he could feel flooding his system.

“I'm sorry Louis, that isn't my place. I'm not her doctor, or her family, I'm just a friend. But you should talk to her, and soon.” Harry put his hands up, a gesture of surrender. “She is over the moon for you. I'm sure she'd appreciate the chance to spend time with you and talk to you.” 

Louis nodded, realizing his eyes had filled with tears. Harry reached in his pocket and pulled out a pack of tissues. “Here.” He said gently, opening the pack and handing it to Louis gingerly. Louis shivered and his eyes fluttered closed when Harry’s fingers ghosted across his. 

“Thanks,” Louis exhaled, shakily. “I'm so sorry for crying. I know she's elderly and I know she can't stay with me forever, but I kind of always thought she would, you know? She's so much to me, she means the world, she's one of my best friends, and she has always seemed so much larger than anything, any problem or illness or anything, really. I never thought anything would beat her or get the best of her, mostly because to me, nothing ever has. I know it's not possible for anyone to live forever, but if anyone could…” 

Harry looked at him thoughtfully, his green eyes full of sorrow, eyebrows and forehead knotted in concentration. “Would you like a hug, Louis?” He said cautiously, as if he would spook the other man. “I've been told I'm an excellent hugger.” 

Louis chuckled and seriously thought about it before shaking his head no. Harry smiled a small smile.

“Listen, Louis, I know how difficult this is. I never knew my grandparents, personally, but not too long after I started volunteering here I went through some grief counseling the center offered because I had a really hard time after my favorite resident passed away. What Millie, that was her name, Millie, what Millie and the grief counselors taught me was to never stop myself from feeling anything, no matter what emotion it was, no matter how inconvenient the timing. Just let yourself feel things. It won't be easy. But when you feel an intense emotion, just close your eyes, let it flow through you, and then look up at the sky. You'd be amazed at what kind of unexpected things you'll find up there, and where you'll be when it happens. Places you've never been, reasons you don't understand, you know?” Harry closed his eyes for a beat and then tilted his head to the sky, as if he were offering Louis a demonstration of what he had just explained. 

Louis just stared at him. “That's really… that's really great advice, Harry, thank you. I think it's best if I get back to Faye now, just so we can talk to her.” Harry nodded and offered his arm to Louis as they made the trek back to her condo from the tour they had taken. Louis blushed a fierce shade of crimson maybe only seen on Mars before accepting, allowing Harry to gently guide him back. 

********************

Faye Johannah Poulsten died in her sleep exactly three weeks later, on a Friday, just before seven pm. “The curtain was up, and it was time for the encore” she said, her last words a tribute to the theatre that had run away with her heart at such a young age. Her cancer had been aggressive, and she had decided not to fight it. “As my good friend Stella Adler once said, ‘sometimes we lose!’” She had told Louis, waving her arms wildly. Louis had been furious initially that she had hidden her illness from the family for so long, but decided to try and take Harry’s advice and feel his emotion before simply releasing it. 

Louis was utterly devastated at the news of her illness, and had taken a short sabbatical from work to spend the last weeks of his grandmother’s life being regaled by her stories of her days on Broadway and her journey back home to the domestic life, singing and reciting lines from famous shows into all hours of the night, recording her thoughts and mementos, and visiting with family and friends as they paraded through, one by one, all to say goodbye. 

He and Harry had been virtually inseparable since their tour. Louis was fascinated with him, and he seemed to feel the same about Louis. They had grown closer, even exchanging numbers. The only times they had been apart beside at night was when Harry had secret meetings with his Nan, meetings Louis was kept out of for some reason. 

Louis and Faye had made all of the funeral arrangements ahead of time and Faye was very specific in the planning, the details, and really everything. She knew exactly what she wanted for her “grand finale.” She told Louis there would only be one special gap in the service that he wasn't to worry about, a fact that was now gnawing him up inside. 

He had been sleeping at her condo for the last few days and was trying to clean it out. He was in her bedroom and was going to start cleaning her chest of drawers when he heard Harry come in. 

“Lou?” Harry called. 

“In here, Harry,” Louis offered, not leaving the room. 

Harry entered the room shyly, his guitar slung over his shoulder. “I'm glad I found you. I wanted to talk to you about something regarding your Nan’s service.”

“Oh?” Louis questioned, shutting a drawer and standing. “What is it?” 

Harry smiled, his eyes just starting to well with tears. “Well first let me preface by saying that you look adorable in glasses. And I'm very nervous. Faye loved you very much and I'm so beyond thankful she trusted me with this.” 

Louis nodded, his own eyes beginning to fill. He was wearing glasses because his contacts were unbearable with all the crying he had been doing. He was curious, as Harry had said he was nervous and Louis couldn't imagine what for. Harry was looking at him with such a somber gaze, and walked across the room and closed the distance between the two of them. 

“Louis, your grandmother asked me to sing a song we wrote at her funeral. But if you don't mind, I'd like to ask you for something first.” He hesitated, fidgeting with his guitar strap. “I know that you are going through a lot and this is probably wildly inappropriate and terrible timing, but you are so lovely and I am so thankful to have met you, despite the circumstances, and so before I play this song for you, I was wondering if I might kiss you? If this is too forward, please say no and I won't be offended Louis, I understand—” 

“Harry.” Louis interrupted, pressing a hand gently to Harry’s chest. “Please just kiss me.” 

Harry smiled a tiny smile and nodded, moving his hands up to cradle Louis’ face before kissing him, pressing his lips against Louis’ in such an achingly soft manner that Louis forgot how to breathe. It was the most delicate experience of his life, soft and pure and blissful, and Louis could say with some confidence that it had been worth every second he had waited to kiss Harry right here and now. Harry sighed into his mouth before breaking away just to press their foreheads together, the two of them leaning on each other. He smiled, his dimple a crater in his cheek so wide was his grin. 

“I'm so happy to have met you, Louis.” Harry murmured, his voice as soft as his lips. “Your grandmother was such an incredible woman. She asked,” he faltered a bit, moving away from Louis who immediately missed his contact, “she asked that I share this song with you before I sang it at her funeral. She wrote it for you. I have the lyrics here with me, in her handwriting, and they are yours after the service Saturday. It was her last wish, and I'm so honored she chose me to help carry it out. Can I sing it for you now?” 

Louis nodded, his heart full. He felt so elated and so broken at the same time. He shook his head a second, closed his eyes for a moment, then opened them and looked around his grandmother’s room, still full of her things, photos of his family and their lives together. Moving away from Harry he sat on her bed and gestured to Harry to begin. 

Harry, his eyes glistening, pulled out the lyrics and placed them on Faye’s dresser. He took his guitar out the case slowly and stood to his full height, inhaling a deep breath right before he began to play. 

“A week ago you said to me, do you believe I'll ever be too far?  
If you're lost, just look for me  
You'll find me in the region of the summer stars  
The fact that we can sit right here and say goodbye  
Means we've already won  
The necessities for apologies between you and me  
Baby there is none.” 

Louis smiled, tears running down his face. No matter what happened, he would be forever grateful for his grandmother, her life a legacy of love. Harry’s voice carried through the small apartment, Louis wiping tears away and listening.

“You will find me, you will find me  
In places that we've never been  
For reasons we don't understand  
Walking in the Wind. 

I know you’ll be alright child  
Just close your eyes and see  
I'll be by your side  
Anytime you're needing me.”


End file.
